I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
