You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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