Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
