fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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