I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
