Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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