i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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