My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
