So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
