My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
