well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
