Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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