so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize