Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
