I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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