The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
