Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
