We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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