she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Less talking, more tequila
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
