I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
