I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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