i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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