Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
