My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
