She said her name was "party"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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