Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
