The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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