I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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