I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
