I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
