Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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