This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The Olympian is in my bed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
