remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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