I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
