I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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