Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
