We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
