I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize