I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
