i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
