do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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