That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
