So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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