I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
