that's an acceptable place to lick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
