how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
