My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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