I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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