He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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