Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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