I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
