there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
