its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
