We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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