Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
