The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
