Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
