Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
