I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
