Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
