the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
