Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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