If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
