When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
