The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
