I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
