just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize