I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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