You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
