So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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